beauty and the beats

May 5, 2006

I'm just going to come right out and say it: The Hellphones are ugly.

If you've downloaded their surprisingly catchy 'Flick Knives and Ninja Stars' demo, you'll already know that vocalist Tenn sounds a little like Speedo/Jon Reis from the late, great, Rocket From The Crypt. That's good. And looks a lot like a young Joe Cocker. Bad. Which makes their appearance at the upcoming FHM 100 Sexiest Party – held to honour the hottest South African women to have flattened themselves under the magazine's staples this yearsomething of an enigma. An enigma wrapped in pink shirts and yellow ties, if that isn't just my monitor acting up again.

Which is precisely why, come Saturday 20 May, you should march right past the hordes of gorgeous women, block your ears to the likes of DJ/Producer/supremo Ryan Dent and Arno Carstens and the New Pornsters, shrug off the 'gyrating AXE dancers', evade your desperate fellow attendees, and go and show the 'Phones some love. In fact, we could all drop our obsession with exterior trimmings for once in our sour, insecure, little lives, and show some genuine support for the aesthetically-challenged. Because us ugly folk need all the help we can get.

(You'd be wasting your time with the women, anyway – like I said, Arno Carstens will be there.)


Thanks, Dave. Yes, I stole your photograph, Kevin S. Slee: +27 72 602 1518


2 Responses to “beauty and the beats”

  1. That Miss Molly tune kicks ass!
    ‘course I am doped up on allergy meds. For all I know I downloaded Sponge Bob in Norwegian.

    You _____ good today Barb.

  2. barbedwire said

    What are you allergic to – apostrophes?

    Yeah, I’ve had ‘Miss Molly’ on constant rotation today, but that’s probably because I always forget to take my iPod off ‘repeat’ and I end up listening to the same three tracks for nine hours in succession…

    (I’m allergic to fleas, if that makes you feel better. And I do hope you feel better.)

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