stirred, not shaken.

June 27, 2006

In what might be the most inspired franchise manoeuvre since the local Blimpies (Subs & Salads) changed their name to Olympies just in time for our failed bid to host the Big Games, Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley cut the ribbon on the world’s first KISS Coffeehouse in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina.

Once past the 20-foot platform boots (smoking, natch) at the door, patrons can sample KISS signature blends like the Demon Dark Roast, French KISS Vanilla, or a frozen Rockuccino.

“The KISS Coffeehouse is our way of providing everyone with the buzz of great, quality treats and coffee filled with enough sugar and caffeine to get the party started, and keep it going!” Paul Stanley

Fine. But the first waitron to stir my latte with his tongue will end up spitting blood. For real.

Now, if anyone needs me, I’ll be at the Tony Iommi Pastry Emporium.


Rock on, Stereogum.


Update: And in the second most inspired franchise manoeuvre since the introduction of the Sausage Crust® – Caffeine Spot in Sea Point have promised a free cup of coffee and a muffin to anyone who mentions them on their blog.

Ordinarily, I’d never sully my high moral standards by accepting free gifts in exchange for a wee bit of publicity. I’d much rather hold out for cold cash. Then again, I appreciate a good viral campaign as much as the next person – provided it doesn’t leave me on a respirator – and, hey, they operate from Sea Point, for chrissake. That’s my ‘hood. We’re practically family. More importantly, I’m cheap and easily swayed by free stuff – and free coffee is free coffee. Free coffee!*

Make mine… dark, please.

[* Plus, it’s good.}


4 Responses to “stirred, not shaken.”

  1. Fatman said

    Hyuk hyuk hyuk. A KISS coffeehouse huh? ‘Excuse me miss, there’s a severed tongue in my hot chocolate.’ That’s hilarious. Also- new look Broad? Way to go with the geyser of blood erupting from that person’s neck stump.

  2. barbedwire said

    It’s a good thing Ozzy hasn’t followed suit. Hey, did you know Gary Glitter once promoted his restaurant with the tagline: Leader of the Snack? That’s class.

    You like the decor? I’m trying to introduce an air of sophistication around here. It’s nowhere near as upmarket as your revamp, obviously.

  3. Dissapointed as we are about coming second to KISS on the inspired stakes, we’re still happy that we got a mentioned. Free coffee and muffin for you!

  4. barbedwire said

    Show me the spandex and platforms and you can have top billing, Caf.

    Much appreciated. I’ll be collecting it in full KISS makeup. Probably.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: