I’m shutting up shop for a while. Carry on without me – I’ll be back before you even remember that you’ve already forgotten this accursed place. If not later.

If you absolutely, positively, have to contact me before then: barbedandwired(at)gmail.com – otherwise, scroll down… no, further… and have a trawl through the links at the bottom of the screen. You’ll like them.

Barb/Broad

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hell-bent for pleasure

August 12, 2006

A piano bar, somewhere in suburbia.

MC: The Hellphones spring their debut album on an unsuspecting Gauteng public at the Blues Room, Village Walk, this Tuesday evening.

Audience: Oooh.

MC: It should be good. (Pause.) You know, I think I missed their launch in Cape Town a couple of weeks ago…

Audience: Awwww.

MC: But as luck would have it, I’m in Johannesburg right now. (Stan, could I get a refill?)

Audience: Oooooh.

MC: Yeah, if you’re in the vicinity of the departure lounge at Jo’burg International around the time that they’re due to hit the stage, come and say hello.

Audience: Awwww.

MC: I know, but what can you do? I’ve heard reports that This is How might be one of the best local honest-to-goodness rock ‘n’ roll releases of recent years. If not of all time. (Stan, I love you.)

Audience: Oooh

MC: In spite of it not sounding at all like The ‘Stones, Thin Lizzy or The Beatles, like the press release claims.

Audience: Awwww.

MC: (No, “Oooh”, that’s an “Ooooh”)

Audience: Ohhh.

MC: On a positive and vaguely related note, at least I’ll be going back to a fixed internet connection in the Mother City – you know, check my mail at night without having to Velcro an aerial to the neighbour’s roof. I could even resume some sort of regular posting schedule. Like in the old days.

Audience: Awwww.

MC: Hey!

“This is How” is released by Sheer Music and is available countrywide at Look & Listen, CD Wherehouse and all good CD Stores.

But not, apparently, at The Mall in Rosebank. So I bought Cassette‘s debut release instead.

go-go, girls

August 7, 2006

To celebrate Women’s Day this Wednesday, 9 August, Pestroy will be giving away women – sorry, girls – for free, until 10 pm on Tuesday night. Latecomers to the Women’s Day Wipe Out!!! at The Roxy in Melville will have to cough up R40 to catch a glimpse of skirt.

That’s what it says in the press release.*

If you don’t arrive in time to nab one of the good ones, try throwing some change at surfabilly space vixens, The Kosmonauts (above), laid-back Aussies Veeva Feeva, or grumpy ol’ Velve.

You can also catch Pestroy at one of these fine venues later in the month. Ladies not included.

Tue 22 August: Blues Room – Village Walk – JHB.
Fri 25 August: The Red Door – Pietermaritzburg.
Sat 26 August: Burn – Durban with Bhora.

~*~

* “Girls FREE before 10:00PM”

The Independent Armchair Theatre is incredibly proud to present a great gathering of songwriting talent. Over 1 and 2 August, twelve great South African musicians will take the stage at The Armchair to intimately introduce and perform their work.

Ja, and I clean forgot to tell you that Fokofpolisiekar and former monki punk Chris Chameleon were amongst those taking to the tiny Armchair stage last night. Which is precisely why you should head off to Obs and claim a spot on the sofa for tonight’s performance by Mystic Boer, Valiant Swart (above), the ‘evergreen’ Robin Auld, Andy Lund of The Roswell Kings, the endlessly entertaining Buckfever Underground and ex-Dolly Rocker, Greg Donnelly. And yeah, Waddy Jones – MC, art terrorist and hip-hop/electro nutcase. I mean that in the nicest possible way.

Tickets cost R60 and the doors open… in 10 minutes. Better make it snappy.

The Independent Armchair Theatre, Lower Main Road, Observatory, Cape Town.

b sides

August 1, 2006

Anyone around here still own a tape deck? That’s too bad. Cassette (the band) are giving away a FREE* limited edition cassette (the audio storage cartridge) sampler – you know, just like their name – at Look & Listen outlets countrywide. Ask for them/it at the counter.

Cute. I bet this band is kicking themselves.

If Cassette’s sparkly, manic-esque pop rock harmonies don’t have you obsessively forwarding and rewinding through the chorus of Your Star until the tape snaps, then cover the tabs with sticky tape and resurrect a staple of 80s and 90s youth culture: The Mixtape. Who hasn’t said “Take me now”, “I hate you” or, “Irregardless is not a real word” with a painstakingly constructed, hormonally-fuelled playlist that thumps and reverberates with secret meaning? And a homemade cover?

Me neither**. But that’s okay – one of the robots over at tiny mixtape will generate a track list for you:

This mix, they assure us, is for anyone who has ever sucked in their breath and taken an involuntary step back from the changing room mirror:

A mix tape to get rid of the bad feelings bikini shopping always brings on:

Sample Track: 09. Madonna- “Nobody’s Perfect” (Music). (You thought I was going to pick “Fat Bottomed Girls”, didn’t you?)

I found this one for Fatman:

The ‘Songs to listen to while sitting in the car, waiting for your brother’s soccer practice to finish, all the while pretending you’re a secret agent on a stakeout’ Mix:

Sample Track: 10. Johnny Rivers – “Secret Agent Man” (Greatest Hits)

Finally, this one is for me, because I forgot to have breakfast:

The ‘Let’s say, hypothetically speaking, that it was totally OK to eat people. If one were going to do this, it would probably be nice to have a mix tape of songs about food, and/or cannibalism. That would be ideal. If, you know, you were going to eat people. Not that I’m condoning it. Much.’ Mix:

Sample Track: 07. Dead Boys – “I Need Lunch” (Young, Loud, and Snotty)

Don’t forget to rewind.

~*~

* Actual value: R3.60!

** I’m lying, of course. If anyone wants one, drop me a line. (Terms and conditions might apply.)