b sides

August 1, 2006

Anyone around here still own a tape deck? That’s too bad. Cassette (the band) are giving away a FREE* limited edition cassette (the audio storage cartridge) sampler – you know, just like their name – at Look & Listen outlets countrywide. Ask for them/it at the counter.

Cute. I bet this band is kicking themselves.

If Cassette’s sparkly, manic-esque pop rock harmonies don’t have you obsessively forwarding and rewinding through the chorus of Your Star until the tape snaps, then cover the tabs with sticky tape and resurrect a staple of 80s and 90s youth culture: The Mixtape. Who hasn’t said “Take me now”, “I hate you” or, “Irregardless is not a real word” with a painstakingly constructed, hormonally-fuelled playlist that thumps and reverberates with secret meaning? And a homemade cover?

Me neither**. But that’s okay – one of the robots over at tiny mixtape will generate a track list for you:

This mix, they assure us, is for anyone who has ever sucked in their breath and taken an involuntary step back from the changing room mirror:

A mix tape to get rid of the bad feelings bikini shopping always brings on:

Sample Track: 09. Madonna- “Nobody’s Perfect” (Music). (You thought I was going to pick “Fat Bottomed Girls”, didn’t you?)

I found this one for Fatman:

The ‘Songs to listen to while sitting in the car, waiting for your brother’s soccer practice to finish, all the while pretending you’re a secret agent on a stakeout’ Mix:

Sample Track: 10. Johnny Rivers – “Secret Agent Man” (Greatest Hits)

Finally, this one is for me, because I forgot to have breakfast:

The ‘Let’s say, hypothetically speaking, that it was totally OK to eat people. If one were going to do this, it would probably be nice to have a mix tape of songs about food, and/or cannibalism. That would be ideal. If, you know, you were going to eat people. Not that I’m condoning it. Much.’ Mix:

Sample Track: 07. Dead Boys – “I Need Lunch” (Young, Loud, and Snotty)

Don’t forget to rewind.


* Actual value: R3.60!

** I’m lying, of course. If anyone wants one, drop me a line. (Terms and conditions might apply.)




come as you are

July 3, 2006

Lending credence to the theory that pigs occasionally do fly, Cape Ska-punk legends, The Hogs, will be blowing their own trumpets alongside hardened Jozie punks, Pestroy and Misled, as they attempt to compensate for their less than athletic physiques/utter inability to score a cheerleader, by chugging lots of beer at the wildly anticipated Jock-O-Rama 2 in Richmond, Johannesburg.

Trot over to Bohemians on 28 July – a little porcine revelry will do you good. And dressing as a Jock* or Stella** will get you R10 off the R40 cover price, plus a free shooter. (The alcoholic kind. Jo’burg’s not that tough).


Urban Dictionary calls it like it sees it:

* Jock (jk), noun:

The kid in high school who’s parents paid everything for. Generally having poor grades, driving a nice car as if he earned it, hitting on all the slutty girls and getting attention because of his sell-out style and flashy white teeth.

** Stella (stl), noun:

a disco girl, usually caught wearing short skirts, heavy make-up and chewing gum. occasionally referred to as part of the canine species. found in groups of three or more at high schools and shops.

For shame. Where is the love?

hell-o, operator

May 23, 2006

Those devilish call-centre employees, The Hellphones, want you to dial 'O' for "oh no!"…

Ladies and Gentlemen, give up your first-born…

Actually, I can't sustain this – The Hellphones want you to come and see them play The 88 Club in Norwood tomorrow night at around 8 pm.

Tell them Samael sent you.

speak and pestroy

May 11, 2006

If you live in the Jozie area, tune into UJFM 95.4 FM – "Jo'burg's newest youth community radio station" tomorrow and catch rap-metal machines Pestroy, live, if not fully functional, on the Morning Glory show at around 11 am. If that doesn't perk you up and get you ready to face the day, you must be deaf. Or me. Ten rond says the first question put to them is "why can't you spell?"

If you're one of those annoying people who plans in advance / has actually figured out a use for Google Calendar, then make a note to catch Pestroy again at Carfax, Newtown on Saturday 27 May. Our philanthropically-inclined band will be taking the rap at the Head Rush Charity Show, alongside Cassette, Wickhead, 16 Stitch, Wanton and gnarled veterans of the pop-rock circuit, Sugardrive.

lock up your kilts

May 5, 2006

Jozie's ska-riest, Fuzigish, will be bumming a lift to Cape Town next week for a whirlwind ' 2 Days of May Madness Tour', featuring all my favourites: Half Price, The Rudimentals and 7th Son.

Catch the entire lineup as they redefine rude, crude, and – in all likelihood – nude, on Friday 5 May at The Hidden Cellar in Stellenbosch (if you can find it*), and Fuzigish and Half Price again at The Independent Armchair Theatre in Observatory on Saturday the 6th.

Homo Pete (or someone just like him) calls it the 'skankdown of the year'. But he would, wouldn't he.


* Ok. It's in Dorpstraat.

"Okay, I'm going to give this a big " WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!". They are touring that shit hole of a continent before the rest of America!!! You've got to be kidding me."

Yup, not only are Fat Wreck stalwarts Lagwagon playing this shit hole, but we're going to be presenting the band with witchdoctored trinkets and juju'd-up curios that will eventually convert every North American audience member with a double-digit IQ into a Blackmore's Night devotee. Don't take it personally, or anything.

Catch Santa Barbara’s finest, along with our own 'Southern Ska Stompers', Fuzigish, at the following venues:
20/06/2006: Foundry Fly Lounge, Pretoria
21/06/2006: Bassline, Johannesburg
22/06/2006: Mercury Live, Cape Town


That's a great limo, jo'blog.

a devil of a thirst

March 20, 2006

My people in Jozie inform me that Saturday’s Coca-Cola Colab Massive Mix Concert was a blast. That is, until the refreshment stands ran out of beer, leaving roughly 43 000 hot and bewildered punters baying for blood and whatever other warm, flat, beverages were doing the rounds.

If you’re attending the gigs in Durban and Cape Town, you might want to invest in one of these.

trailer trash

February 15, 2006

Nyarrrr! This teaser for the new Slashdogs’ video Darkest Fear proves two things: one, they certainly know how to gooi all the right shapes, and two, how easily I’m swayed by a flash of leopard-print guitar strap and a bit of a quiff.

Check them out in all their lurid, big screen glory at their official video launch on Saturday the 18th of February at Zanzibar in Pretoria.

Let’s hope they don’t serve chicken.

Woof, woof, Slashdogs.

none so black

February 15, 2006

The bad-ass afro rock (s)quad from Spruitview, will be confounding your ears tonight at The Blues Room in Sandton, Jozie. (BLK JKS, I'm talking about the BLK JKS, people. Keep up.) At least, I hope that's the right band – the press release refers to them as 'Black Jacks', so look, don't get all hissy if they turn out to be a samba trio from Boksburg.

Blame Joe Blog.