the lick

July 5, 2006

I’m your ice-cream man and I like Mötley Crüe…”

Sloppy Seconds. Remember them? Me neither*, until I read this article. Now I have “a stabbing or aching type of pain” in my temporal region “that recedes 10-20 seconds after its onset. Rarely, it can persist for two to five minutes“. Not unlike a Sloppy Seconds song, in fact.

But I digress:

Embrace the summer: come to terms with your local ice cream truck chime, and admit that you crave — nay, require — its catchy 20 second hook on glorious infinite repeat for maximum seasonal enjoyment.

WFMU’s Beware of the Blog scoops up a double serving of creamy, dreamy ice cream truck chimes. Essential… who am I kidding – particularly annoying for anyone stuck in the Southern Hemisphere in the dead of winter, licking chapped lips and dreaming of sweaty Camps Bay lifeguards and Choc 99 Caramel Dips with Nutty Sprinkles.

With links to mp3s of the Ghetto Ice Cream Truck Song, the Mister Softee jingle, Lips Stained Blue, Creamsicle of My Dreamsicle and my personal favourite title of all time: Torturing Swedes Since 1969, you can recreate your own sticky swirl of retro summer bliss. Or you could just blast this from your car stereo every time you pass a playground and confuse the hell out of the pre-schoolers.

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* I lie. You never forget physiques like that. Plus, they once did a well-intentioned cover of the Misfits’ Where Eagles Dare.

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Mmmm, Lifehacker.

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Jesus. Would you look at the date, already? It's a good thing this isn't actually my house and you weren't really left to pick over yellowed copies of Spin and the Big Issue before succumbing – reluctantly – to starvation and eventual interment in the tomato bed alongside Pretty Boy*, the Gay(est) Budgie. Because then you'd never be able to:

Get The Hoff to Number 1
Think what he's given to the world. Knight Rider. Baywatch. The reunification of East and West Germany. Untold laughter from forwarded e-mails of him in hotpants.


He's given a lot. It's time we gave something back.


Popbitch reckons he's doing quite well on his own, actually:

He was recently booked for Google's summer party in Berlin. slurred his way through a set of pop songs but couldn't remember the words to his new release Jump In My Car so Google staff had to write them down and tape the sheets of paper around the stage.

~*~

{* Poor Pretty Boy – I dug him up twice. Accidentally, I swear.}

jou deftige duiwel

June 6, 2006

Laat ons sien hoeveel mense van my hou! Moet 'Kersfees' met 'Johan Stemmet Dag' verruil? Stem hierso!

Die man met die hare wat skrik vir niks, die man wat nooit "nooit" sê nie, die man wat die "ken" in "kennis" sit, ons eie Dawie Hasselhof… dames en here: Johan Stemmmmet!

Die wêreldwye web is somtyds 'n wonderlike ding.

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Ag, dankie, Jo'Blog!

I really shouldn’t keep picking on the God Squad – it requires so little mental effort and incredibly, not even I can justify being that lazy. On the other hand, a little unintentional comedy does go a long way, and this inspired exposé of Satan’s Music dutifully trots out enough one-liners to kick-start a college t-shirt empire.

And it’s not just the usual suspects (metal, homosexuals) that face the flaming rod of righteousness, either. The people who brought you the fantastically monikered Antichrist Slideshow starring: The Popes of Rome spare no one: The Beach Boys, Bon Jovi, Christian Rockers, Country Music and, not surprisingly, Vangelis – are all beaten with their own lyric sheets before being drop-kicked to the Great Braai Down Below.

Stan help us all.

~*~

Hellarious, Metafilter.