rise up

A reminder to dress up/down and catch Pestroy, Misled and The Hogs at Jock-O-Rama 2 at Bohemians in Johannesburg tonight. If you ask nicely/your outfit is authentically ‘stella‘ enough, you might be able to persuade them to give you a ride on their ‘tour bus’ (no, that’s not a euphemism) to Durbs for the Uprisings Festival at The Wavehouse on Saturday.

Billed as ‘Durban’s Biggest Underground Festival‘, the line-up will see the likes of The Rudimentals, Undersound, L.A. Cobra, Fuzigish, Sibling Rivalry, Crossing Point and Half Price taking the stage, (in)capably supported by Corné and Twakkie from The Most Amazing Show. In the Style of Love, no doubt. It sounds like thoroughly decent day out – although I’m pretty sure that the only ‘uprising’ you need worry about is a grommet throwing up on your towel.

Considering the number of Cape Town bands on the bill, I’m sure you could find one drunk kind enough to let you bum a lift all the way down to the Mother City. In fact, ask them to drop you off at my house. Not really.

~*~

* It seem you can’t throw a tantrum these days without Corné and Twakkie elbowing their way onto the set list. So ubiquitous are the unintelligible twosome, that even my comment spam reads like it was cribbed from one of their scripts: “I’m love this great website. Many thanks guy.” Most Amazing? No. Incredibly annoying? Yes.

bubbleheaded co-op

Witchdoctor Records, champions of the local hard and heavyset heavy set, recently signed a deal with Plastic Head, the UK distribution company responsible for shoehorning the likes of* Bad Religion, Cannibal Corpse, Fall Out Boy, and the flabbiest from Fat Mike’s catalogue onto the shelves of top high street retailers and respectable indies across Blighty.

What’s in it for Shaughn Pieterse’s Angry Young Men, then?

“This is a great opportunity for our artists to get a foot hold into the UK market. We will be looking at getting our artists over to the UK and Europe for some support slots within the coming months. We are already in discussions with some international booking agencies to represent our artists.

The deal will see the Architecture Of Aggression album Democracy: Consent To Domination, be the first release to have a truly INTERNATIONAL RELEASE date. There after the Forever Will Burn Album will follow and pretty much every release after that.”

~*~

* And Burzum. Now you Brits know who to blame.

witch one was that, again?

If you're reading this, stop it. You know you should be over at The Mad House in Oude Molen, Pinelands for the Cape Town leg of the highly-anticipated Witchfest. So highly-anticipated, in fact, that I forgot it was on this weekend. A shocking bit of negligence on my part, but if I put my skates on I could still catch the likes of Man in Suit, Tonight We Die, Three Chord Theory and my favourite drunk punks, Half Price.

On the other hand, a quick glance out the window confirms that an ill-wind blows through a city already swathed in unflattering grey cloud – and I'd really rather stay home and watch The Triplets of Belleville.*

Don't let my indifference and torpor dissuade you from what looks to be a sterling lineup, though. Make yourselves useful – be my eyes and ears. And don't forget to heckle.

~*~

While we're discussing punks and drunks, the 2006 Uprising Festival has been scheduled for 29 July at The Wavehouse in Durban. Formerly known as Punk Uprisings, the festival has grown from a small and scrappy collection of unknown bands into one comprising some of the stroppiest to have gobbed from a stage in the last 6 years. The 2006 lineup is still to be confirmed, but you really should nip out and secure some tickets online or from one of these outlets right now. Because, let's face it, I can't be trusted to remind you again before the day.

~*~

* Not to be confused with The Triplets of Bellville, in which the van Breda sisters braai naked, and other stories.

dogg pound

Snoop Dogg was arrested at Heathrow last night on charges of "violent disorder and affray", after he and his entourage were refused entry to a British Airways first-class lounge and got a little frisky. His bodyguards then attacked the policemen attempting to make them 'heel'. Which is, possibly, not the brightest thing to do under the circumstances.

Dogg is said to be licking his, erm… wounds in a West London holding cell, which means he won't be around to headline at least one of The People's Celebration concerts scheduled across South Africa this month :

Tickets to his show in Durban, scheduled for Saturday, were snapped up weeks ago. Although concert organisers Big Concerts, have sought to allay fears about his arrival in the country, he was yesterday hauled off his flight to South Africa.

And they say it like it's a bad thing.

mash and grab

+ Metallica are offering fans downloads of all three concerts from their South African sojourn. At around $10 for an album's worth of remastered live tracks from a show you actually attended, that's not a bad little souvenir – and probably less than you spent on beer at the gig anyway.

+ The Powerzone chicks give some predictably awestruck and sweaty feedback on Robbie's Pretoria gig.

+ The Guys, Corné and Twakkie, remember Brett Goldin in the style of love and the Gold Ninja's tracksuit.

+ Jungle Brothers Fletcher and the other guy from Krushed and Sorted/African Dope Records are passing out free downloads like blotter tabs outside the school gates. Come to think of it, if Fletcher is the Fletcher I think he is, then he really did spend some time loitering outside my High School back in the day. Chatting up Catholic schoolgirls. And… stuff.

Get your Constructus, Krushed, Agents, Godessa, Surfers and Soundsystem right here, then. That's Drum 'n' Bass, Afro-Rap, IDM, Dancehall and Trip Hop to the rest of you. Perhaps not quite in that order, though.

+ Lastly, previews of the new Slayer album suggest it's shaping up to be quite upbeat and poppy. Also, doesn't Tom Araya look a bit like a hirsute George Clooney in the pic? Creepy.

Deadlines, ok?

let’s talk about feelings

"Okay, I'm going to give this a big " WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!". They are touring that shit hole of a continent before the rest of America!!! You've got to be kidding me."

Yup, not only are Fat Wreck stalwarts Lagwagon playing this shit hole, but we're going to be presenting the band with witchdoctored trinkets and juju'd-up curios that will eventually convert every North American audience member with a double-digit IQ into a Blackmore's Night devotee. Don't take it personally, or anything.

Catch Santa Barbara’s finest, along with our own 'Southern Ska Stompers', Fuzigish, at the following venues:
20/06/2006: Foundry Fly Lounge, Pretoria
21/06/2006: Bassline, Johannesburg
22/06/2006: Mercury Live, Cape Town

~*~

That's a great limo, jo'blog.

mr bones

I think it’s fair to say that if Shaughn Pieterse hadn’t launched Witchdoctor Records to promote his own band back in 1999, there’s little chance we would have seen the likes of The Haunted or Sepultura pulling up outside a local venue in our lifetimes. Or Entombed buying beer on Sacraphyx’s tab at the Purple Turtle, for that matter. That’s not necessarily a good thing. I can’t go to a braai or a sokkie these days without someone’s misshapen younger brother sidling over with an autographed t-shirt or anecdote about the time he evaded security and got to ‘shake’ that roadie’s ‘hand’ behind the tour bus.

And when Witchdoctor aren’t trying to convince international acts that they won’t be trampled by wild beasts if they come to Africa…

WR: What’s the funniest thing that’s happened on a tour?
A: So many many things happen every single day … from being nearly stampeded by elephants with SOULFLY, charged by rhinos with ENTOMBED … and the best would have to be Mark Rizzo being atttacked by a giant insect around the fire (I even got footage of it).

…they’re trawling white suburbia for the hardest and heaviest – and making sure your local CD retailer knows about it.

Catch Forever Will Burn, Chief Rebel Angel, Architecture Of Aggression, Nemesis Army and other Witchdoctor protégés at WITCHFEST 2006 in Jozie, Durban and Cape Town in April. Drunken punks Half Pint… er, Price and Three Chord Theory are also scheduled to show up and be stroppy.

mmm, check out those crazee legs

Durban BBoys must be the most chilled in the country, ek sê. Still, AfricasGateway reckons a decent number of them will be easing themselves off their deckchairs and putting down their spli… er, pina-coladas to limber up for the Crazy Legs BBoy Champs on Saturday February 25 at noon. Like, local time.

I know you don’t have anything better to do so go check them out – it should be da BOMB! (You kids do still say that, don’t you?)

Thank you, AfricasGateway.